Jesus Is Better

Friends and Family,

Last time we gave a proper update, we were gearing up to begin the clinical trial at MD Anderson. An anticipated two-night stay for the trial turned into a month of in and out hospitalizations due to complications and increasing bone pain. After two rounds of the trial drug, the oncologists wanted to assess the efficacy of the drug. After doing a CT scan, it was made very clear that the trial drug was not having its desired effect, and the cancer was progressing. Upon receiving this news, we were able to come home and begin to shift gears and pursued alternative treatments in conjunction with third line chemotherapy. We were able to be home in Huntsville for the entire month of September and completed several rounds of chemotherapy in addition to the alternative therapy treatments. The first weekend of October, Sawyer began to experience some vertigo and every time he tried to stand up he felt as though he was going to pass out. This warranted him to be admitted to Huntsville Hospital where they did an MRI of the brain. The MRI revealed a small metastatic brain tumor. Sawyer was also having trouble getting the nutrition that he needed by mouth, and was able to get a PEG tube placed in his abdomen to aid in his nutritional status. The following week Sawyer completed three rounds of brain radiation. That very next weekend Sawyer began to cough up some blood which again warranted a hospital admission in order to assess the cause. Once we were admitted to the hospital, the pulmonologist did a bronchoscopy and discovered that one of the lung tumors had grown and was blocking the right middle lobe airway. The doctor was able to control the bleeding and cauterized the base of the tumor. The medical team wanted to watch Sawyer for a few more days in the hospital to ensure that the bleeding would not resume. During this time, Sawyer’s bone pain became uncontrollable. They did an MRI of the spine to look for a compression fracture, because it was nearly impossible for Sawyer to walk at this time. The MRI did not reveal a fracture, praise God, but the MRI procedure itself had Sawyer laying on a firm table for an extended period of time. After this scan, the pressure on his bones and spine induced severe muscle spasms, to the point that Sawyer could not move. He unfortunately was stuck laying on his right side leaning against his bed safety railing overnight since no matter what angle or positional change attempt or tried, the pain on moving was unbearable. The following day, the pain management team was brought in and worked aggressively to get him out of pain. He underwent repeat steroid injections to his hips and spine, much like what he had that was so helpful at MD Anderson. These injections were performed under light sedation so the team was able to get Sawyer off his side and treated and into a comfortable position for him to continue tube feeds and rest as they continued to modify his pain medications. By the grace of God, that evening he stood to use a bedside urinal. We were blown away by the power of the Lord because that morning he could not move and that evening he could stand. However, despite this miraculous shift, the past several months have physically beaten Sawyer down. He has lost a tremendous amount of weight and strength. At this point, according to his oncologists, his options as far as treatment are all guess work. It is possible that he could retry an old chemo regimen to see if it could work again, but his body is so worn down that it could be too hard on him and his risk of complications would be tremendously high such that the route might have made him only more sick and unable to be aware of family and friends about him as his body gave out and he could pass without good last days. Another option is an experimental vaccine trial but it would take more than a month for Sawyer to reach eligibility for it and then even more time for it to try to work and fight his cancer. Even though Sawyer can stand for a few seconds, he is unable to tolerate tube feedings as his cancer has progressed in his stomach and the fact is he probably cannot physically have the strength to reach the vaccine infusion. Cancer has shown us more than any other thing how completely true it is that this place is not our home. We were not created to live here forever, praise be unto God. We have prayed consistently for the Lord to make it clear to us when it could be time to shift gears and rest with family and friends instead of continuing to do other treatments, and given his current physical capacities, we believe that time is now. We have seen time and again throughout the word of God and through this cancer journey how much better Jesus is than any other thing, and we want to spend his last time on this earth sharing that reality with one another, and resting in the sovereign goodness of our Heavenly Father rather than spending his days enduring further self-induced suffering. Just as Philippians 1:21 says, “For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain.” The reality and beauty of the gospel is that Sawyer’s race has been run, and when he breathes his last on earth it will not be his last breath. As he is a new creation in Christ, in accordance with 2 Corinthians 5:17, this is just a transition to reach the final goal, to be where Jesus is and to see him as He fully is. Sawyer is going to wait with Jesus until the final day when the new Jerusalem will be presented from Heaven by God, and praises be to our Father for what this eternal place shall be like from Revelation 21:4, “He[God] will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” This is incredible news for those who are in Christ Jesus-those who have repented of their sins and put their trust in Jesus for their eternity, just as Sawyer has. We truly believe that “a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere” Psalm 84:10a. We have never longed for the courts of our Lord as much as we have longed these past 1.5 years. We will continue to long until that final day, what a glorious (!!!) day that will be.                                    

Jesus is better.

May the grace and peace of our Lord Jesus be upon you,

-Sawyer & Amy